Cut'e'
by SquishyCool
Summary: Songfic: Based on "Cute Without The 'E'" by Taking Back Sunday: Freddie knows exactly what's going on, but he can only blind himself for so long. Seddie/Spam


**A/N:** So, this is my first Seddie story. It's mostly Spam, but hopefully you Seddie fans will enjoy it, too. **It contains sex**, but not super explicit, so it's really not that big of a deal. But for that reason, it's rated M. So, if you don't like it, don't read it. I just ask that, if you're interested at all, then give it a chance. =] Then click that little button at the bottom and tell me what you think!

* * *

**Cut(e)**

_Your lipstick, his collar… don't bother, angel  
I know exactly what goes on_

I kiss you lightly on the lips and pull away, squeezing your hand. Your blue eyes look back into mine and I smile. You turn your head and look behind you for a moment, the scent of your blonde hair reaching my nose. I take it in and remember it. I think to myself how cute you look. You make me so happy sometimes.

"I guess you have to go now," you say softly.

I nod, my smile fading. "Yeah… but I'll see you in the morning. Right?"

You quickly nod, smiling at me. "Yup. I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Cool," I say, squeezing your hand again. "I'll see you later then. Goodnight."

You lift your eyebrows, still smiling. I lean in again and kiss you on the lips, lingering there for a moment or two longer. When I pull away, I watch your eyes open. I slowly let go of your hand and turn around, opening the door of my apartment. I turn back and get a last look at you before turning back and entering my apartment, closing the door behind me. I remember seeing you standing there, watching me go inside.

I went to bed that night and thought about you the whole time. I remember that was the last night I really slept well for weeks.

Because, after I left you out in the hallway, I expected you to go home. But you didn't. You left the building and went outside for a while, but then you came back inside. And you went to Carly's. You were sure to be quiet about it, but you went into their loft… and there _he_ was, waiting for you. He greeted you with a smile, quickly placing his hands on your hips and pulling you in closer to him until your bodies met. He leaned his head down and met your lips – where mine were only moments before – and you kissed him like you never had and never would kiss me.

_When everything you'll get is  
Everything that you've wanted, princess__  
(well, which would you prefer?)__  
My finger on the trigger, or  
(me face down, down across your floor)?_

I wish I knew what it was that he had. I thought you and I were so close, but I guess I was wrong. The two of you just had something that I never noticed, until it was too late. There was just something about him that you couldn't stay away from. So why did you waste your time with me? You say you don't care what other people think, yet you'd never dare try to date him – you wouldn't want to make Carly mad, or upset anyone else because of the age difference. You were making everyone else happy by dating me.

Except me, of course. I'd much rather you'd have just left me, or dumped me, or never even dated me. But you dragged me along until I was hooked completely; until it completely ripped my heart out to see what I already knew in the back of my mind.

You kissed him back for so long, your kiss deepening and getting more and more passionate. He tugged you in closer, wanting to feel your body against his, wanting to almost merge with you. You wrapped your arms around his torso and clutched him close to you, holding him there.

_Well, just so long as this thing's loaded_

Your lips clashed together, your tongues finding each other's mouths. He was everything you wanted and everything you craved. You wanted him right then. You weren't going to wait. (The fact that you had gone out with me not even an hour before didn't matter to you, or to him.) You clutched him to you tighter, silently screaming with your body how badly you wanted him right against you, how badly you wanted _him_.

He slowly pushed you around the couch and across the room, to the doorway, which he carefully lead you through, his mouth still attached to yours, his body still grinding against yours in just the right places. You let him take you wherever he wanted.

He shut the door behind him and playfully pushed you back onto his bed, letting you fall back and land on the soft mattress and worn-in sheets. You smiled up at him and had a glistening in your eyes I had rarely seen. Your blue eyes shone for him, but never for me.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and kicked his shoes off, then got on top of you, straddling you, his hands holding him up on either side of your head. Your blonde hair lay out under your head, sprawled across the black sheets. He bent down and started kissing you again. You grabbed the sides of his head and pulled him in closer, then slid your hands down his neck, down his shoulders, down his sides – he shivered at this, your touch so gentle it sent electricity up his spine – and over his ribs, tracing them with your fingers for a moment before finally sliding your hands ever-so-slowly down to his hips, where you full-on grasped his skin and yanked his lower half down to you, wanting to feel him against you again. He smiled into your kiss. You smiled back, still gripping his hips with your fingers firmly, pressing up with your pelvis just slightly as to cause a little friction between you and him. This drove him crazy.

_And will you tell all your friends,__  
You've got your gun to my head?__  
This all was only wishful thinking,  
This all was only wishful thinking_

Before you knew it, your shirt had been pulled off, as well as your shoes and your pants. You lay there before him, almost completely exposed, vulnerable, anxious to feel his touch on your bare skin. He pulled his face away from yours again and opened his dark eyes, gazing down at you admiringly. You stared back up at him, a smile playing across your soft lips. You squeezed his hips, where your fingers were firmly grasping on again, to remind him of the rest of you that was present. He narrowed his eyes a little, his smile getting just a bit bigger. He bit his lip and took one hand, tracing your jaw line with his finger. He let his finger trail slowly down your neck, spreading goose bumps all across your fair skin, then down your chest, where it stopped for just a moment to trace circles across your soft breasts, then back down across your stomach, reaching your panty line. He swallowed a lump in his throat, nervous and excited and anxious all at the same time. You tried not to let on that you were feeling the same thing.

I would've been able to tell that you were. Can he read you like I can?

_And will you tell all your friends,__  
You've got your gun to my head?__  
This all was only wishful thinking,  
This all was only wishful thinking  
Let's go..._

His finger slipped under the elastic of your thin panties, tugging them slightly. You shivered, eager for his touch, wanting him to continue and take you on fully. His smile slowly faded from his face as his eyes lead down to where his finger was, his heart beating faster. You swear you can hear it. Then, he looks back up to you, his brown eyes full of questions.

"What's wrong, Spence?" you whisper softly, your voice almost seductive.

He licks his lips, still nervous. "What about… Freddie?"

You smirk a little, looking confident. "What have I told you before? Don't worry about him… He's not important."

A cut to my heart.

He smiles just a little, leaning down to kiss you again, slowly and passionately. His finger pulls more, and then his hand is slipping your panties off, down your legs and onto the floor. You're ready for him.

Out of eagerness and lust, you reach down and grab him in your palm, lightly squeezing. He takes in a sharp breath. "Sam…"

You just smile to yourself, bringing his lips back to yours. He slips his fingers down across the softest areas of your skin between your legs, taking in the feeling. You almost forget to breathe, your heart beating even faster now. And before you know it, he's slipped a finger inside. You breathe in deeply, absorbing the feelings he's giving you. He slips in another finger, moving them around just slightly. A moan you can't control comes from your throat, and he gets harder just from the sound of it. He gently thrusts into your hand, begging for more. You reach up and undo his pants, tugging on them. He uses his other hand to roughly pull his pants off and toss them aside, leaving him in only his boxers. Now you both only have one piece of clothing on. You're exposed and vulnerable, ready to give each other everything.

He moves his fingers around a little more, making you squirm. He smiles at your movements, proud of himself. You reach down to his easily-accessible area now and grasp it again, squeezing his erection. He moans in his throat now, too, and his kiss becomes rougher. You kiss him back just as roughly, showing him how anxious you are and how badly you want him.

He finally slips his fingers out and pulls away for only a second, lifting you with both of his hands and scooting you up onto the bed more so he can scoot up, too, then straddling you fully. He gets positioned, holding himself up again and leaning down to return to kissing you. Your lips are swollen and you kiss back with hunger, grasping him again. You grab the top of his boxers and slip them down to his knees, exposing his throbbing erection. He pulls away from your lips, staying just centimeters from your face as he stares into your lust-filled blue eyes.

"Are you ready?" he whispers almost breathlessly.

You smile and nod. "Yeah – yeah."

He gives you a smile back, then glances down at himself. He positions himself at your entrance, pausing to connect his lips to yours again. Then, slowly, he slips the tip of himself inside you. You breathe in even deeper now, the feeling sending indescribable bolts all through your body. He grunts from his throat, enjoying it. Finally, he readies himself, then thrusts the rest of his erection deep inside of you. You yank your lips from his and let out an uncontrollable moan, louder than normal.

"Ohh… Spencer…" you moan, your voice telling him what he's doing is just right.

He smiles to himself, watching you shut your eyes tightly and squirm underneath him. Biting his lip, he begins thrusting in and out, slowly at first, then faster. He goes at a steady pace, building you up carefully.

_Don't bother trying to explain, angel  
I know exactly what goes on when you're on, and  
How about I'm outside of your window  
(how about I'm outside of your window)  
Watching him keep the details covered  
You're such a sucker  
(you're such a sucker)  
For a sweet talker, yeah_

I'm awakened by something I can't explain. But from my room in my apartment across the hall, I somehow hear the faint sounds of voices – loud voices, moaning sounds. I can't identify what it is exactly, still in my half-asleep state. Out of concern, I get out of bed and walk through my dark apartment, going into the hallway. I tiptoe across the hallway to the Shays' apartment door, pausing just outside of it. The voices get louder the closer I am to the apartment, so I lean in closer, pressing my ear to the door. The voices sound familiar. I blink, clearing the sleepy fogginess from my eyes. I listen harder, trying to make out what the voices are saying – or rather, moaning.

"Ohh… SPENCER!"

It sounds like a girl's voice, and I can almost pinpoint it. _But… No,_ I think. _That's impossible._

Then, I hear grunts and groans, obviously a man. I assume it's Spencer.

_Does he have a girlfriend over?_ I wonder. _Does Spencer even __**have**__ a girlfriend?_

"Ah, ah – Sam!" I hear Spencer gasp loudly.

I freeze. _No, he couldn't have said that. I misunderstood,_ I think to myself.

But then the girl's voice is louder again, against the squeaks of Spencer's bed. "Yes, yes, oh, Spencer… Don't stop, don't stop! Fuck – yes!"

My heart drops… because I realize who it is. I'd know that voice anywhere – that desperate cry, that breathless gasp…

It's Sam.

_And will you tell all your friends,  
You've got your gun to my head?  
This all was only wishful thinking,  
This all was only wishful thinking_

My breath freezes in my throat. Was this true…? What were you doing with Spencer? This couldn't be… but I knew it was.

_Fucking traitor,_ I think, narrowing my eyes. _Cheating, lying, fucking bitch._

Somehow, I knew this would happen. In the back of my mind, I always knew you weren't truly mine. I always knew there was something else behind those clouded, blue eyes. Maybe I didn't expect _this_ to happen… or maybe I did. But I'm not blind – I knew what was happening in front of me between you two. I knew there was something else there. I could just sense the sparks that ignited anytime you and Spencer were together. My jealousy killed me, wrecked me at times. I ignored it, though. I thought it an impossibility. I thought if we just spent more time together, if we were in a relationship for a while, then you'd grow more comfortable, and we could be a truly happy couple, like I'd always hoped for.

But Spencer had to get in between and ruin it.

_(the only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back)  
And will you tell all your friends,  
You've got your gun to my head?  
This all was only wishful thinking,  
This all was only wishful thinking_

Or maybe I'm blaming the wrong person. Maybe it's _your_ fault. Every time I watched him make you laugh; every time I watched him tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and discreetly run his finger over the soft skin of your face just before pulling his hand away; every wink I saw him give you, and every smile you two shared… I blinded myself. And maybe you did, too.

You're the one that fell for all those clever lines. You're a sucker for that shit, and you let him reel you into his little web. The way you always looked at him… you'd always admired him. I knew it. I just never admitted to it.

And here you were… Here _I_ was: listening to you moan his name and squirm around on his bed as he thrusts into you, harder and deeper each time, absorbing the piece of you he's taking away.

Just another piece I'll never have.

_Hoping for the best, just hoping nothing happens  
__A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins  
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me  
I know you well enough to know you'll never love me_

And I keep standing there, my ear pressed so tight against the cool metal of that door, listening to you moan and groan, listening to him grunt and gasp, and I still can't believe you fell for him. You gave in to Spencer, and you gave up on me.

You are such a sucker.

I know what he's going to do to you… I know how this is going to end up. But it still hurts. And it's going to hurt you just as bad.

Then I hear it, and I know it's beginning.

"Oh… Sam, oh, I'm gonna come –"

"OH, Spencer! _I love you!_"

There are a few last thrusts, and then the squeaking stops. I can still hear heavy breathing from inside. I probably won't be able to hear what comes next, but I don't have to.

I turn and go back to my apartment, turning back once more. I look at the spot where you had stood just hours before, where I had looked into your blue eyes and believed that, _maybe_, I could trust you. I smirk to myself, chuckling at my own stupidity, and turn and enter my apartment, closing and locking the door behind me. I go back to bed, and I may not sleep hardly at all, but I know you'll sleep even worse.

I'll get over you and over the pain, one way or another.

_Why can't I feel anything  
From anyone other than you?  
Why can't I feel anything  
From anyone other than you?_

Inside Spencer's room, the two of you have finally stopped. You're trying to catch your breath, Spencer being too weak to even pull out of you yet. You have a smile on your face as your chest rises and falls in quick movements, the sweat glistening on your forehead.

Spencer finally stabilizes his breathing enough to pull out of you, slowly, sending an aftershock through your body. He collapses next to you on the bed, lying flat, his chest still heaving as he breathes. He closes his eyes and rests his hands on his stomach. You turn your head and look at him, still smiling.

"That was… so amazing," you manage to whisper.

He smirks. "Yeah, it was. God… I haven't had sex that good in too long…"

You pause for a moment, then manage to form the words with your tired, swollen lips. "I love you, Spencer…"

He doesn't reply. He continues trying to catch his breath. You hear it slowly steadying, waiting anxiously for him to answer you. Finally, he opens his eyes and turns his head to face you. His smirk has disappeared, and his face is solemn and serious now.

"No, you don't…" he tells you quietly.

Your smile is gone in a flash. You crinkle your brow at him curiously. "What… Yes, I do. I – I've fallen for you so hard in the past few months… All those times we hung out and talked and flirted and everything… I fell in love with you, Spence."

He shakes his head, turning it to look up at the ceiling, his eyes almost blank. "Sam… no. You don't love me… I don't know if you've even discovered what love is yet. But I know what you feel for me isn't it."

_And all of this was all your fault,  
And all of this_

You stare at him, your heart dropping inch by inch down to the pit of your stomach. "Bu – Spencer. You… you feel the same way about me as I do you, don't you…?"

He's silent for too long. You wait patiently, but every second is strangling the very breath from your tired lungs. You can't stand the way he's acting; his sudden coldness and how distant he feels right now. It feels as if you're miles away, even though you're lying inches apart on the bed.

"Answer me. Tell me the truth… Do you love me?"

He sighs. "No," he croaks out. "I don't love you, Sam. I mean, I liked you, but I don't know anymore… You don't know what love is yet. I can tell… You - you cheated on Freddie with _me_, for Christ's sake…"

You can't stand to look at him anymore. It feels as if a thousand thorns are piercing through your heart all at once, like your stomach has just swallowed itself whole. How can he do this? After all you'd thought, and all you'd seen… He was telling you all of that wasn't real, and all of it was _wrong_.

Out of the corner of your teary eyes, you see him get up from the bed and slide his boxers back up, then pick up his pants and shirt and put them on. He leaves the room for the bathroom, turning on the light in the small room and shutting the door behind him. You're alone in his room now, lying on the empty, damp bed.

And I wonder why I ever thought you were cute…

And now, you wonder why you ever fell for this.

_(Makes things worse)__  
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,  
__For this simple reason**  
I just need to keep you in mind  
as something larger than life.**_

**end.**


End file.
